The Dress Indeed (pieces at peace)

Bought my wedding dress today. I looked through preownedweddingdresses.com (do it, getting-married girls!) for what I imagine was more or less a day's worth of cumulative time, and on a whim, not very invested at all, I found the dress. For $75. On Craigslist. And somehow Fortune smiled on this Craigslist transaction in a way she often does not, because I have a beautiful dress hanging in my closet as I type this out for us all, gentle readers. It's even got the bustle buttons and loops put on already! Will take it to be cleaned this week.

I look better in ivory than I do in white, so I was worried about the color (even looked up dying it at home), but I think it looks pretty good on. Going to need to work in the coming months to even out my skin tone, but the beads are all sewn on, the sparkly bits are all there... I am very, very excited. I will be Zumbaing like a motherfucker for a while to whittle myself down and probably investing in some 'spensive undergarments to keep the jiggly parts where they should be.

But in the end, I found a dress, I found it easy, it is perfect, and I feel beautiful in it in a way I think a little piece of me worried I wouldn't because I didn't deserve to. And while that may be the case, the rest of the pieces of me are at peace with how this worked out. I'm feeling like Fortune smiled. I am smiling, too.

Of Lannisters, and Oatmeal, and of Oofs.

If I just get to the other side of this weekend, I'll have it made. But of course I have to get to and through the weekend for that, and sometimes I am struck with doubt that this will happen, because time gets swiggly-wiggly* and it's hard to know quite how long it will feel like before this is all done. The nice thing about time is that I do know how much of it I have to get through before the weekend is done. So that's a start.

I'm working at the hotel this weekend, and it's a home game weekend, and I'm less than thrilled. You can probably tell.

Office job is going well. Busy busy busy, but that's fine with me. I wonder sometimes (is it a daydream if the dream is sort of dull?) about not doing library school and just working office jobs instead. Accountants always seem to have jobs. I would be a crap accountant. Bah. A lot of it comes down to being scared to start my application essay, and the rest is laziness. I do want to be a librarian, and I know I have to work for it and then work as it.

We've been reading the A Song of Ice and Fire books. I bought us the first book and then before it got here I bought a set of the first four paperbacks so we could read right along, and it worked well. I finished the second book last night and Josh finished the first today, so we haven't had any unpleasant "HurryupIwanttoreadthat!" moments. We agree that the Lannisters aside from Tyrion are meant to be hated. I hope Arya survives--it seems like she will-- and I hope Theon gets exactly what's coming to him. And Joffrey. I already know Joffrey does (look, sometimes a girl has to know these things, and that is what the internet is for!), so I just hope it's as bad an end as he is a person. I hope Sansa gets stronger and smarter and I hope Bran and Rickon stay okay. I am inclined to think they should all bow down before Dany but highly doubt they will. Damn.

So, Lannisters bad. Oatmeal good! I finally tried it, and it's been the perfect breakfast for the cool mornings we've been waking up to. Sometimes it warms up and sometimes it doesn't. It's usually at least a little windy, so we've opened up the windows when we get home almost every day. Ah, apartment! Furnished! Josh bought us a beautiful fancy table and a REALLY nice bedroom set. I type this entry from atop our fanfuckingtastic mattress. It is amazing. I hope we do not lose our jobs, because if we do not get a mattress this nice the next time we need a mattress I will be so sad.

I love you, first world. You are wicked and awful in many ways, but I love this bed and I love the man that bought it for us to share and I love our nice apartment where we can feel safe and do as we please.

Trying to be more active lately. Signed up for a Zumba class which was great the first week (when the regular instructor was stuck at home with a chicken poxy kid) and then... less than stellar, when she came back. I'll go to the rest of the classes since I've paid for them, but I don't think I'll sign up for others at the studio. I'm hoping to find other classes, maybe an independent instructor like the one I liked in Florida. So that's the oof bit of this entry-- I don't know if it's because she's from the midwest (and here I thought I was assimilating so well), or because she hasn't taught much Zumba before, but her rhythm is... well, off, if there at all, and the moves are dumb. I want to Zumba, dammit! Shake shake shake, sweat sweat sweat! Coo coooooooooo!

Life goes on.

*There are Piggly Wiggly stores up here (I thought they were only in Georgia). The accountant at work made a note for me this morning: "Please mail Pig Wig checks separately." I love pig in a wig jokes so I almost died laughing and now I will always think of Piggly Wiggly stores as being staffed by Pigs in Wigs. And may our precious porcine lord be with you all.

The Dress

A few years ago I married a man I didn't really want to marry. I wore the most beautiful dress in the world to do it, and as I look at websites now that I am in the market for another dress to wear when I marry the man I really, really want to marry, I occasionally see that first dress. And oh, I feel the weight of my mistake, I do and I have, but this has got to be one of the stupidest first world ways a girl ever screwed herself: the most beautiful dress in the world squandered on a wedding that didn't matter the way it was supposed to.

Fuuuuuuuck.

(I know I will find a more beautiful dress and I know I will be more beautiful and truly happy when I marry Josh. But och aye christ I wish I could have found that beautiful Oleg Cassini to wear for our wedding.)

(Resolving not to fuck up further.)

(Also resolving to cut back on the foul language.)

Home, Heart, Being in a Place

I'm bestfriendsick. I'm not really homesick even though there's a lot that I miss in Florida. I love it up here too much to be sad about not being there, I think. But I miss my best friend Hannah. We've known each other for a long time and were very good friends our freshman year of high school, but it's really just the last year and a half that we were definitely best friends... But we were, and as I deal with other people I wish they were her sometimes, and had her way of talking or giving advice or even just listening with love and without pressure. And as much as I admire Hannah it's not as though I was trying to emulate her, but I like having her example around, you know? She's a very centering, calming influence on me, while still being down for a good girly gigglefest. There, that feels like a semi-adequate summation.

Life is really good. We still love our new apartment (hopefully tonight I will film our little home tour!), my new job is going well and I got into a Children's Literature class online. Gearing up for my graduate school application, getting very excited looking at wedding stuff (another major I Miss Hannah marker), and things seem to be going really well, generally. And specificially. I just wish I had some BFF time. I can't wait for the first weekend of November, when we'll get to hang out at long last.

Working at the hotel today. I felt obligated to stay on for football weekends since that was part of the job posting I applied for in the early summer. I don't want to leave them in the lurch. There's one person here I really can't stand and of course I have to deal with her at the end of my shift today (nooooooo!), but by and large the people here are nice and it's a good gig for a student. It should be okay to work here for the rest of the football season, but I'll look forward to having my weekends off to spend time with Josh when this is all over.

So.

I shouldn't have worried, because the day after that last post (two weeks ago today!) Josh proposed. Life has been very good since then. Moved to a beautiful apartment we really like, started a new job, and the oil got changed in the Old Lady Mobile. So everything's pretty up there on the goodnik tip.

Sweetheart, if you're reading this: I want to have your babies. Going to post about that from now on until it works.

Statlist

Garden: Good. Planted marigolds as a general "fuck you" to the cucumber beetles, have been spraying eggplant plants with a tomato leaf/dish detergent concoction as a similar send off for flea beetles. Having a hard time remembering that there are good beetles in the world. More cucumbers than I know what to do with and that's really saying something.

School: Over. Got an A in my first graduate level class! Gearing up for graduate school application. Dragging my heels about looking at the essay to rewrite, but a good and wordy friend said he'd look it over for me, so that's a relief at least. Sad summer class is over.

Work: Gave my "hey dudes, probably not going to be a student in the fall"-type notice today. Two interviews this week. Very happy (very relieved) to have those set up. A fancy dentist's office and a property management company, reception at both places. Crossed fingers. Money, I want you, I need you, I just gotsa gotsa have you.

Love: Lovely. Trying to endure the marrymemarrymemarryme vibes without squishing them. We've had a few nice date nights lately and in general things are very good. Prepping for our move at the end of this month.

It's been so nice out lately. Not uncomfortably warm, with cool breezes. It feels like those precious days of fall in Florida, which makes me delighted because there will be many more days like this up here and sad because I am feeling homesick lately. Going home for a bit the first weekend of November! A college friend is getting married. I wish Josh could come with me, but it's going to be a wonderful trip. Get to see my best friend and spend time with my parents and Josh's.

Not sure why I can't caption this picture as I wish. Anyway. Castle Ravenloft. Josh got it last week. I rolled a natural 20! Probably the only one I will roll for myself instead of a monster, ever.

Hurry up and get here, well-employed, admitted to graduate school, wonderful weather life!

Playing with letters and leaves and life

Class is phenomenal, and my professor is one of the most wonderful people I've ever met. Going to meet with a SLIS adviser tomorrow thanks to her, to talk about reapplying in the next few months. Hard to believe it's been almost a year since I was so caught up in my application. Feel much better prepared this time, and I'm really hoping that I'll get valuable advice tomorrow. Afterwards I'll head home to finally relax for a bit (it's pretty much been work and school lately with little time to do anything but sleep or get my ass kicked at Boggle by Josh), then go to Epic to tend our garden, and then get Josh and bring him home. Thursday night we're going to see The Taming of the Shrew performed in an outdoor theater. Pretty excited about this. Working until 4, so I'll need to get home asap and then go get him from work so we can head out to Spring Green, the city where the theater is located. But the rush should be worth it and I've been looking forward to the play since Josh told me about it a couple of months ago.

Class is phenomenal, but I'm having trouble focusing on gathering the information I need to conduct a booktalk tomorrow on the book I selected, which has such an interesting title and is so godawful boring. Very, very dry. Josh is playing a creepy and sad but interesting game called Catherine and it's... interestingly timed, I guess. Feeling major marrymemarrymemarryme woes lately, and making jokes about having kids instead since I know that's not happening any time soon. It just feels safer, I guess. Wah wah wah.

Garden really needs tending, but things are growing! It's fun to go out every few days and see how the plants are doing and how the vegetables are getting bigger. Most of my time out there tomorrow will be spent weeding the hell out of the place, but it looks like as the eggplant plants (?) have gotten taller the flea beetles have finally gone away. I've never had eggplant before because I think it looks weird (story of my life), but these Fairy Tale Eggplant are really cool looking, a really happy purple with white streaks. Mostly I am jazzed about the cucumbers, which I know I love to eat.