Thankfully, I'll never want for things to want.

It's very cool that I can do things in the order that I want-- get engaged get into grad school get married finish grad school get job make babies, or get married work work work get into grad school make babies, or some other combination of these opportunities. The point is, there's nothing I have to do. I get to be with Josh and that's my favorite part. And since we've got that lined up, well... Future details can be dealt with as we get there, I guess.

But (there's always a but, and I'm sure it only gets butt-ier with babies) while this freedom to do things in whatever order I'd like is nifty, I find myself wishing sometimes that there were a guide to follow, some sort of benchmark yardstick (zounds, nouns!) against which to check progress in the things we're planning and working towards.

I guess there is, really. The plan now is to get into graduate school, get married this fall, get house (! -- this is a Josh idea that mostly thrills but slightly terrifies me, since my expectation of graduate school is that it will be wonderful and impoverishing all at the same time and a mortgage seems so adult and responsible and even though our lives are adult and responsible I'm not sure I'd italicize them yet, you know?), finish school, get library job, work library job for a while, get down to the babymaking. Eventually I would like to meet our kids. The "eventually" of that is something I waffle on. I want Josh all to myself forever! I want a kiddo! I want more than one kiddo! I want to be able to sleep in on weekends! I want to clutch at whatever semblance of skinny I possess at the time! Sheesh.

But back at the first point, I like that there's really only whatever plans we make that we have to stick to, and we can change those plans if we want. I think what we've got going on makes sense and is a good sort of schedule for life. At the same time, there's no rule we have to live by or deadlines we have to me. Really it comes down to there not being a deadline I have to meet.

I'm always late, is all.
____________________________

Volunteered at a library last night and it went swimmingly. Was nervous, people were nice, quickly felt like things were falling into place in a pleasant just-so way. After as much polite badgering as I could muster I got a voicemail from the library where I tried so hard to volunteer basically saying "Thanks, we'll call you when something comes up." One phone call to second library, BOOM! Volunteer opportunity. And I'm glad.

Graduate school application is in. I've been blogging so infrequently I don't remember if I mentioned that. Have good feedback from summer instructor and classmates that I've got in made in the shade to get in this time but because, well, I was hoping for that last time, I am less than convinced. At the same time, I see what they're saying. Certainly I am a better qualified applicant this go-round. Application committee, if you are reading this: let me in, let me in! Please!

Cruise later this month (!). I am so looking forward to a week away with my sweetheart.

That's all the news that's fit to print. That's all the news that's fit to print that I can remember or feel like divulging, at any rate. Make stuff up for the blanks, I'd be flattered if you thought of me.

The Dress Indeed (pieces at peace)

Bought my wedding dress today. I looked through preownedweddingdresses.com (do it, getting-married girls!) for what I imagine was more or less a day's worth of cumulative time, and on a whim, not very invested at all, I found the dress. For $75. On Craigslist. And somehow Fortune smiled on this Craigslist transaction in a way she often does not, because I have a beautiful dress hanging in my closet as I type this out for us all, gentle readers. It's even got the bustle buttons and loops put on already! Will take it to be cleaned this week.

I look better in ivory than I do in white, so I was worried about the color (even looked up dying it at home), but I think it looks pretty good on. Going to need to work in the coming months to even out my skin tone, but the beads are all sewn on, the sparkly bits are all there... I am very, very excited. I will be Zumbaing like a motherfucker for a while to whittle myself down and probably investing in some 'spensive undergarments to keep the jiggly parts where they should be.

But in the end, I found a dress, I found it easy, it is perfect, and I feel beautiful in it in a way I think a little piece of me worried I wouldn't because I didn't deserve to. And while that may be the case, the rest of the pieces of me are at peace with how this worked out. I'm feeling like Fortune smiled. I am smiling, too.

Statlist

Garden: Good. Planted marigolds as a general "fuck you" to the cucumber beetles, have been spraying eggplant plants with a tomato leaf/dish detergent concoction as a similar send off for flea beetles. Having a hard time remembering that there are good beetles in the world. More cucumbers than I know what to do with and that's really saying something.

School: Over. Got an A in my first graduate level class! Gearing up for graduate school application. Dragging my heels about looking at the essay to rewrite, but a good and wordy friend said he'd look it over for me, so that's a relief at least. Sad summer class is over.

Work: Gave my "hey dudes, probably not going to be a student in the fall"-type notice today. Two interviews this week. Very happy (very relieved) to have those set up. A fancy dentist's office and a property management company, reception at both places. Crossed fingers. Money, I want you, I need you, I just gotsa gotsa have you.

Love: Lovely. Trying to endure the marrymemarrymemarryme vibes without squishing them. We've had a few nice date nights lately and in general things are very good. Prepping for our move at the end of this month.

It's been so nice out lately. Not uncomfortably warm, with cool breezes. It feels like those precious days of fall in Florida, which makes me delighted because there will be many more days like this up here and sad because I am feeling homesick lately. Going home for a bit the first weekend of November! A college friend is getting married. I wish Josh could come with me, but it's going to be a wonderful trip. Get to see my best friend and spend time with my parents and Josh's.

Not sure why I can't caption this picture as I wish. Anyway. Castle Ravenloft. Josh got it last week. I rolled a natural 20! Probably the only one I will roll for myself instead of a monster, ever.

Hurry up and get here, well-employed, admitted to graduate school, wonderful weather life!

News from the midwestern front

I have never understood why this section of the country is called the midwest. It is not very far west at all, easily identifiable on a map as east of center, really. Noticeable proximity to the eastern seaboard, too. And Wisconsin is, for a stretch, part of the northern border of the United States. There's a link to the Midwest article on Wikipedia on Wisconsin's article, and I'm a bit tempted but since discovering that reading Wikipedia with extreme indignation does not itself shift the world to a more pleasant state of being, I am hesitant to raise my blood pressure with the whole affair.

Josh and I went for a nice walk after dinner. At the unsteering hands of our carless virtue, walking is done far more often up here than it was in Florida. What are these things at the ends of my legs?!

So. A walk down to the open air-style mall, where we found a bench in front of a fountain we'd never noticed, and we sat and Josh had a Coke and we just talked about our days and made each other laugh. It was very sweet and very pleasant. Very pleasant weather, too. We saw lots of dogs and dog owners out for walks on the way down there and back. We usually devote a sentence or two to Parker or Gizmo (the best dogs we have ever known) on these walks since it's so common to see other dogs with their owners. We've talked about getting one in the future, which might be nice. I miss the cats (?!) pretty bad but they're getting on very well at Josh's parents' house. I am so glad they're safe and being taken care of by such nice people.

Oooh, speaking of his parents--! They sent me off with some blueberry wine! Gonna go crack (cork?) one of those open and enjoy. The handsome man I live with is working hard on preparing a presentation for tomorrow and fixing some software problem so doctors don't mistakenly prescribe Rick Astley eyelashes or something. Music doesn't bother him when he is working like it does me, so I made us a playlist and it is gooooood. Eric Clapton's "Bad Love" right now, OK Go's "Get Over It" just before.

The weather is good here and life is beautiful. Still don't have a job yet. Get your act together, fated employer of my near--Swami Alex says very, very near, so get a move on--future.

"I've got to admit-- it's getting better."

This trip has been wonderful. :} We're laughing and smiling and snuggling a lot. I think the problems are mostly distance based, and we're going to talk about that (tone on the phone, for example), but I think I'd allowed myself to be truly worried and knowing that there's no need for that is just... Whew! Wonderful relief.

We had a date night last night. We stay in more than we eat out when I'm here because I like cooking for us, but usually when we go out it's with friends. Last night was just the two of us, and we wandered down to Greenway Station and had dinner and got ice cream after. It was sweet and good, and we held hands and it was generally just a really nice time out.

This is our last day together without Josh having to go to work, so we're going to wander up to another shopping center and get some cruise stuff. It's just a few days away, now! Halloween weekend. So excited about doing this with my favorite person.

Who happens to be advancing the Indian Empire in Civ V, I believe. Time to go distract him.