Other changes

Bit of a side: this is really a "try things!" year. I've had a terrible, zit covered face for most of my life and I think I've found a lifestyle and a cleanser that are making remarkable changes for the better to that situation*. I've gone without make up for the past several days (two weeks, I think?), and it's still scary every time I step out of the house knowing that people will see me. Josh has assured me that he loves me just fine without make up and says he prefers it that way, but I had a very hard time believing that as he's very, very rarely seen me without it. On purpose or not, though, the first thing he said when he saw me at the airport was "You look nice." That may have had something to do with my running down the stairs to get to him-- my self confidence issues are pretty minimal in the chest department, and that's the only thing minimal in my chest department, if you know what I'm saying.

But I'll admit it: I care what other people think. I don't care for very long, but the part of stepping out of the house that's scary is the waiting for someone to call attention to my face. I know high school is some degree of hellish for everyone, but even wearing make up (not very well, but still, wearing it) I'd get to hear the "Acne... ACNE--!" whispers as some jerkass followed me through the halls. I can't shake that or the other things said, years later. I immediately mistrust people I don't know who tell me I'm pretty. Of course I want to hear that, but they have no idea the depth of my longing for that, and I'm certain they're trying to butter up my surface before they ask for something. People who make fun of other people for something like acne or bad hair, anything people can be tearfully sensitive about, are jerks, and I think everyone that's important to me thinks the same. I still expect to be made fun of.

At the same time, progress. Because I'm not wearing make up and haven't for several days. And I know all this angst is a first world issue, but that's where I live.

*Lush's Coalface. Get it. GET IT.