Kitty Corliss-- Grinding the Crack (AWOL Nation)
A contender if not the hands down best 36 seconds on the internet. You're welcome.
So it's post-midnight... Blog time! Here are all the nouns rattling (shuffling? bouncing? flickering? verbs, man, verbs) around in my consciousness. Not in order of importance. In the order they surface for discussion.
Good Jesus, girls, CHILL OUT. We will get around to having a baby. To get pregnant now you'd have to put off travel, and school, and without school you can't get the dynamite library job you're hoping for. Calm the fuck down. Babies are adorable, husband is extra adorable, forthcoming child or children will undoubtedly be the adorablest, smartest, charmingest, least obnoxious baby in the world and never make you miss an hour of sleep or want to scream obscenities in public, but now is not the time for this wonder kid. You'll get there, and it will be great when you do. You and husband's manvaries (you don't have to be ready to have the sex talk to be ready for a kid, right?) are going to be in a better geospatial, socioeconomic place to have children than many other people around the world. And there are things I want to do before having a baby. So you, lefty, and you, righty, and the rest of me are going to get up to some adventures and then when we are classy as fuck from world travel and having a graduate degree and a house and maybe, hell, maybe a DOG or some crazy shit like that, THEN THEN THEN we will jump the husband's bones with wild abandon and get to serious babymaking.
In the meantime, we can jump the husband's bones whenever we are not too tired from school and work. Word.
Love,
She In Whose Body You Reside
2. House
Is it even possible to find a place that has enough of what we want to make what we can afford possible? How do we know what will happen to a neighborhood over the years? We're both from a pretty rough part of Orlando and don't really want to buy a home in a place like it. If we don't live in Madison, it will be harder to get chickens. Almost no homes have the big tub I'm looking for. Beloved husband can't give me a very specific answer on where he is interested in looking. I don't know where we start and J is not very forthcoming with what he learned at a seminar our credit union offered for first time homebuyers. We don't know which realtor we should consult with. I don't know how long the process will take. WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING AND ONLY ONE OF US CARES AAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH.
3. Travel
Another before-baby thing. We didn't take a honeymoon and weren't planning on it until after I graduate; we'll probably roll graduation/honeymoon/J's sabbatical trip into one. Which means we'll have a few weeks, which is great... where to go? He offered Europe and I thought I was so down with that, but as soon as he said it I thought "Isn't that what everyone would do?" What the fuck does it matter what everyone else does? I just want us to get away and have an enriching experience and hopefully come home with some cool things. International travel is something I want very, very badly but the logistics of it seem overwhelming. If this is our one big trip, where do we go? Maybe it would be helpful to make a list of places I want to go and then prioritize them...
4. School
I want to be a librarian but why did I ever think this was a good idea?
I don't mean that. I love some of my classes. I'm anxious because one this semester makes me feel like I've gotten next to none of my money's worth, and I know the student loans are going to take forever to pay back, and goddammit all the second years are so worried about getting jobs and most of them are looking everywhere; it is making me terrified that, anchored here, I will find nothing that will allow me to pay off my loans in a timely manner and nothing that will put me in a place to make enough money to save for maternity leave, including paying for student loans during.
I feel like there is so much I am NOT learning, and maybe it's just that I haven't taken specific classes yet. But I feel like the year longer I'll be in the program is not going to be enough to learn what I need to. On the upside, great continuing education through the school for local graduates, which I'll be.
5. Jobs
There's a 20 hours/week position at a public library less than 30 minutes from home. I'm going to go tomorrow morning and pick up an application. It wouldn't be doable to do my practicum, the public library job I already have, the academic library job I already have, AND this job over the summer, so something would have to give. The academic job pays a little more than the public library job and can offer me more hours a week (15 academic, 7-10 public), which in most other situations would make it a no brainer... But I like the public library job many, many times more. It could be worth it to keep sloughing away and learning at the academic job (they're also very flexible with hours and have treated me very well and taught me quite a bit about the scope of the tasks I'm working on there). I want to get a grown-up job in a public library, not an academic one. But given the pay and treatment and flexibility, the academic job has a lot of merit.
6. Grown Up Job
AAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH what am I gonna dooooooooooooo?! My advisor says because of my course load I should start looking for jobs in the fall. I'll graduate next May, so... coupled with the "I do not know nearly all the things I should know" feeling is making me panic a little bit.
Can you tell?
I'm just a terrible bundle of nerves about the future. I'm telling myself to breathe, chill out, be thankful for comfort and security of my home and the opportunities I've been presented with, but my mind is constantly flitting against thoughts of the future and then shying away, some degree of terrified and horribly sad I can't have everything right this minute, perfect. Like good skin.
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