Bought my wedding dress today. I looked through preownedweddingdresses.com (do it, getting-married girls!) for what I imagine was more or less a day's worth of cumulative time, and on a whim, not very invested at all, I found the dress. For $75. On Craigslist. And somehow Fortune smiled on this Craigslist transaction in a way she often does not, because I have a beautiful dress hanging in my closet as I type this out for us all, gentle readers. It's even got the bustle buttons and loops put on already! Will take it to be cleaned this week.
I look better in ivory than I do in white, so I was worried about the color (even looked up dying it at home), but I think it looks pretty good on. Going to need to work in the coming months to even out my skin tone, but the beads are all sewn on, the sparkly bits are all there... I am very, very excited. I will be Zumbaing like a motherfucker for a while to whittle myself down and probably investing in some 'spensive undergarments to keep the jiggly parts where they should be.
But in the end, I found a dress, I found it easy, it is perfect, and I feel beautiful in it in a way I think a little piece of me worried I wouldn't because I didn't deserve to. And while that may be the case, the rest of the pieces of me are at peace with how this worked out. I'm feeling like Fortune smiled. I am smiling, too.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Of Lannisters, and Oatmeal, and of Oofs.
If I just get to the other side of this weekend, I'll have it made. But of course I have to get to and through the weekend for that, and sometimes I am struck with doubt that this will happen, because time gets swiggly-wiggly* and it's hard to know quite how long it will feel like before this is all done. The nice thing about time is that I do know how much of it I have to get through before the weekend is done. So that's a start.
I'm working at the hotel this weekend, and it's a home game weekend, and I'm less than thrilled. You can probably tell.
Office job is going well. Busy busy busy, but that's fine with me. I wonder sometimes (is it a daydream if the dream is sort of dull?) about not doing library school and just working office jobs instead. Accountants always seem to have jobs. I would be a crap accountant. Bah. A lot of it comes down to being scared to start my application essay, and the rest is laziness. I do want to be a librarian, and I know I have to work for it and then work as it.
We've been reading the A Song of Ice and Fire books. I bought us the first book and then before it got here I bought a set of the first four paperbacks so we could read right along, and it worked well. I finished the second book last night and Josh finished the first today, so we haven't had any unpleasant "HurryupIwanttoreadthat!" moments. We agree that the Lannisters aside from Tyrion are meant to be hated. I hope Arya survives--it seems like she will-- and I hope Theon gets exactly what's coming to him. And Joffrey. I already know Joffrey does (look, sometimes a girl has to know these things, and that is what the internet is for!), so I just hope it's as bad an end as he is a person. I hope Sansa gets stronger and smarter and I hope Bran and Rickon stay okay. I am inclined to think they should all bow down before Dany but highly doubt they will. Damn.
So, Lannisters bad. Oatmeal good! I finally tried it, and it's been the perfect breakfast for the cool mornings we've been waking up to. Sometimes it warms up and sometimes it doesn't. It's usually at least a little windy, so we've opened up the windows when we get home almost every day. Ah, apartment! Furnished! Josh bought us a beautiful fancy table and a REALLY nice bedroom set. I type this entry from atop our fanfuckingtastic mattress. It is amazing. I hope we do not lose our jobs, because if we do not get a mattress this nice the next time we need a mattress I will be so sad.
I love you, first world. You are wicked and awful in many ways, but I love this bed and I love the man that bought it for us to share and I love our nice apartment where we can feel safe and do as we please.
Trying to be more active lately. Signed up for a Zumba class which was great the first week (when the regular instructor was stuck at home with a chicken poxy kid) and then... less than stellar, when she came back. I'll go to the rest of the classes since I've paid for them, but I don't think I'll sign up for others at the studio. I'm hoping to find other classes, maybe an independent instructor like the one I liked in Florida. So that's the oof bit of this entry-- I don't know if it's because she's from the midwest (and here I thought I was assimilating so well), or because she hasn't taught much Zumba before, but her rhythm is... well, off, if there at all, and the moves are dumb. I want to Zumba, dammit! Shake shake shake, sweat sweat sweat! Coo coooooooooo!
Life goes on.
*There are Piggly Wiggly stores up here (I thought they were only in Georgia). The accountant at work made a note for me this morning: "Please mail Pig Wig checks separately." I love pig in a wig jokes so I almost died laughing and now I will always think of Piggly Wiggly stores as being staffed by Pigs in Wigs. And may our precious porcine lord be with you all.
I'm working at the hotel this weekend, and it's a home game weekend, and I'm less than thrilled. You can probably tell.
Office job is going well. Busy busy busy, but that's fine with me. I wonder sometimes (is it a daydream if the dream is sort of dull?) about not doing library school and just working office jobs instead. Accountants always seem to have jobs. I would be a crap accountant. Bah. A lot of it comes down to being scared to start my application essay, and the rest is laziness. I do want to be a librarian, and I know I have to work for it and then work as it.
We've been reading the A Song of Ice and Fire books. I bought us the first book and then before it got here I bought a set of the first four paperbacks so we could read right along, and it worked well. I finished the second book last night and Josh finished the first today, so we haven't had any unpleasant "HurryupIwanttoreadthat!" moments. We agree that the Lannisters aside from Tyrion are meant to be hated. I hope Arya survives--it seems like she will-- and I hope Theon gets exactly what's coming to him. And Joffrey. I already know Joffrey does (look, sometimes a girl has to know these things, and that is what the internet is for!), so I just hope it's as bad an end as he is a person. I hope Sansa gets stronger and smarter and I hope Bran and Rickon stay okay. I am inclined to think they should all bow down before Dany but highly doubt they will. Damn.
So, Lannisters bad. Oatmeal good! I finally tried it, and it's been the perfect breakfast for the cool mornings we've been waking up to. Sometimes it warms up and sometimes it doesn't. It's usually at least a little windy, so we've opened up the windows when we get home almost every day. Ah, apartment! Furnished! Josh bought us a beautiful fancy table and a REALLY nice bedroom set. I type this entry from atop our fanfuckingtastic mattress. It is amazing. I hope we do not lose our jobs, because if we do not get a mattress this nice the next time we need a mattress I will be so sad.
I love you, first world. You are wicked and awful in many ways, but I love this bed and I love the man that bought it for us to share and I love our nice apartment where we can feel safe and do as we please.
Trying to be more active lately. Signed up for a Zumba class which was great the first week (when the regular instructor was stuck at home with a chicken poxy kid) and then... less than stellar, when she came back. I'll go to the rest of the classes since I've paid for them, but I don't think I'll sign up for others at the studio. I'm hoping to find other classes, maybe an independent instructor like the one I liked in Florida. So that's the oof bit of this entry-- I don't know if it's because she's from the midwest (and here I thought I was assimilating so well), or because she hasn't taught much Zumba before, but her rhythm is... well, off, if there at all, and the moves are dumb. I want to Zumba, dammit! Shake shake shake, sweat sweat sweat! Coo coooooooooo!
Life goes on.
*There are Piggly Wiggly stores up here (I thought they were only in Georgia). The accountant at work made a note for me this morning: "Please mail Pig Wig checks separately." I love pig in a wig jokes so I almost died laughing and now I will always think of Piggly Wiggly stores as being staffed by Pigs in Wigs. And may our precious porcine lord be with you all.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
The Dress
A few years ago I married a man I didn't really want to marry. I wore the most beautiful dress in the world to do it, and as I look at websites now that I am in the market for another dress to wear when I marry the man I really, really want to marry, I occasionally see that first dress. And oh, I feel the weight of my mistake, I do and I have, but this has got to be one of the stupidest first world ways a girl ever screwed herself: the most beautiful dress in the world squandered on a wedding that didn't matter the way it was supposed to.
Fuuuuuuuck.
(I know I will find a more beautiful dress and I know I will be more beautiful and truly happy when I marry Josh. But och aye christ I wish I could have found that beautiful Oleg Cassini to wear for our wedding.)
(Resolving not to fuck up further.)
(Also resolving to cut back on the foul language.)
Fuuuuuuuck.
(I know I will find a more beautiful dress and I know I will be more beautiful and truly happy when I marry Josh. But och aye christ I wish I could have found that beautiful Oleg Cassini to wear for our wedding.)
(Resolving not to fuck up further.)
(Also resolving to cut back on the foul language.)
Home, Heart, Being in a Place
I'm bestfriendsick. I'm not really homesick even though there's a lot that I miss in Florida. I love it up here too much to be sad about not being there, I think. But I miss my best friend Hannah. We've known each other for a long time and were very good friends our freshman year of high school, but it's really just the last year and a half that we were definitely best friends... But we were, and as I deal with other people I wish they were her sometimes, and had her way of talking or giving advice or even just listening with love and without pressure. And as much as I admire Hannah it's not as though I was trying to emulate her, but I like having her example around, you know? She's a very centering, calming influence on me, while still being down for a good girly gigglefest. There, that feels like a semi-adequate summation.
Life is really good. We still love our new apartment (hopefully tonight I will film our little home tour!), my new job is going well and I got into a Children's Literature class online. Gearing up for my graduate school application, getting very excited looking at wedding stuff (another major I Miss Hannah marker), and things seem to be going really well, generally. And specificially. I just wish I had some BFF time. I can't wait for the first weekend of November, when we'll get to hang out at long last.
Working at the hotel today. I felt obligated to stay on for football weekends since that was part of the job posting I applied for in the early summer. I don't want to leave them in the lurch. There's one person here I really can't stand and of course I have to deal with her at the end of my shift today (nooooooo!), but by and large the people here are nice and it's a good gig for a student. It should be okay to work here for the rest of the football season, but I'll look forward to having my weekends off to spend time with Josh when this is all over.
Life is really good. We still love our new apartment (hopefully tonight I will film our little home tour!), my new job is going well and I got into a Children's Literature class online. Gearing up for my graduate school application, getting very excited looking at wedding stuff (another major I Miss Hannah marker), and things seem to be going really well, generally. And specificially. I just wish I had some BFF time. I can't wait for the first weekend of November, when we'll get to hang out at long last.
Working at the hotel today. I felt obligated to stay on for football weekends since that was part of the job posting I applied for in the early summer. I don't want to leave them in the lurch. There's one person here I really can't stand and of course I have to deal with her at the end of my shift today (nooooooo!), but by and large the people here are nice and it's a good gig for a student. It should be okay to work here for the rest of the football season, but I'll look forward to having my weekends off to spend time with Josh when this is all over.
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