Alexandra and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Today sucked. It didn't suck all the time, and a few nice things happened, but overall, with and without reflection, today sucked. I feel like I need to purge this day, and since I don't really feel like vomiting and society tends to frown on that, I'm just going to let it go here and hopefully feel better at the end.

I stayed up late last night to study for today's exam, which is never the best start, I admit. I was tired and cranky for it when I woke up. Had to get up a little bit earlier than normal today anyway since my registration period for spring classes opened today. Higher GPA students get to register several months before the semester, and I'm not sure how they work out everyone in the 3.0-3.49 range. Anyway. Woke up to a big thing of cat hair next to my face; lovely. The French class I really wanted to register for (worked with the other classes, wouldn't have involved time off work) was full last night when I checked. So I stayed up a little later to email the professor and ask if there was any way I could be added as an extra student or put on a waitlist.

I got registered for my major-specific courses just fine, and that was one of the good things that happened today. Got dressed and headed to school for classes and the exam. Got there early. Another good thing. First two classes went well enough. I was checking my phone like a maniac before and between classes to see if the Mme teaching the French class had written back yet. No luck. Took the exam, was not prepared. Not a good feeling. Checked email again on the way to the car and the Mme had responded: nothing she can do. She was nice about it, but I wish there was! Got home and showered for work, made quinoa to take with me to work to scarf for a quick late lunch.

Got to work early. When a coworker asked what I was eating, I told her about the quinoa. The girls I work with were curious, so I showed them. Your-Mashed-Potatoes-are-Poisonous coworker said "There's a hair in there." And so there was, mine. This is not her fault, but I'd feel less inclined to throttle her if she would shut her fucking mouth about stuff like that. I was also less than pleased with her touching my food to pull it out. I have resolved to not discuss what I am eating and certainly never to show what I am eating to this coworker ever again. Only leads to strokelets.

When I sneezed a few minutes later she did not say bless you, which is something we do in our office. When our lead said "bless you," Difficulty Down the Desk said skeptically "Was that a sneeze?" I was irritated enough from earlier that I responded "M--- [the lead] said bless you, so that was probably a sneeze." Afternoon at work actually got better from that point on. Sent text messages to an old friend, and that was nice. Registered for the second best French option so I can submit my intent to graduate.

Went to Wal*Mart (I know) after work to get my prescription and guacamole ingredients so I can make some for Josh. I like to use a basket instead of a cart because I'm not buying that much stuff and it's easier to move around with a basket, but as usual there were none to be found and the greeter said "Oh... There might be some over there" when I asked if they were at the other doors. I love shopping at Wal*Mart.

I got a text message from the guacamole eating love of my life as I was on my way to the register, so I steered the dumb cart over to the end of an aisle where it wasn't in anyone's apparent way and took my phone out of my pocket to read and respond it. As I did I was approached by a man who explained that he needed food for him and his daughter, there was something wrong with his car and it would take days to get, he didn't want money could I please just buy him some food?

I felt kind of put on the spot and immediately I knew he shouldn't be asking inside the store, but I don't really have any objection to getting people food and if he really needed it, why would he care where he was asking?

I'm a little, just a little, proud of myself for setting boundaries (I can't even believe I'm using that term): I told him I was on a budget myself, but that I could get him sandwich meat and some bread, or hot dogs and hot dog buns, whichever he'd prefer. He enthusiastically said yes, yes, some hot dogs, and I turned the cart that way. When he got the hot dogs he asked if he could get bologna as well and I reiterated that I could only get sandwich meat and bread or hot dogs and hot dog buns. He said okay, okay, hot dogs was a better idea. We got buns. We went to the registers. I introduced myself on the way over. The guy's name was Danny. Got in an express line and was told by the people in front of me "She's CLOSED!"

Got in the next express line. Woman and her sister each checked out twenty items. While they were doing so Danny said "You know, bread would probably be better" and said he'd go get some. I asked if he wanted to get hot dogs and bread and he said sure, sure. He took the buns back and got a loaf of bread. I thought about running away, or asking the cashier for help. Stayed, didn't say anything.

I asked the cashier if she could put the bread and hot dogs in a separate bag. Danny took the bag and then stayed by my cart while I loaded the three bags of my stuff. Got a little weirded out. When I moved the cart to leave after I paid he said something (I think "thank you") and walked out. I was nervous enough to be sweating and I so uncomfortable I didn't want to go outside right away. I told the greeter ("...There might be some over there") that there was a man who asked me to buy him food inside the store and that he hadn't been threatening but that he'd made me feel uncomfortable, I wasn't sure if the store had a policy against it but this is what he was wearing, etc. She asked where he was and I explained (again) that he'd just walked out. She said "Yes, we do have a policy... And there are food stamps and programs for people. Just remember that next time."

Very helpful. Her tone implied that I'd done something wrong.

Walked out to my car and got hit up by school football player for donations on the way. Nearly burst into tears. Put the groceries into my trunk where I knew I could be seen because I still didn't feel quite safe. Took the cart to one of the cart corrals and got hit up by his kid brother, who was with him when he asked a few minutes ago. Told him no but good luck and managed to not run back to the car.

Where I cried. I felt intimidated after agreeing to help, I felt like being suspicious of someone was wrong, I felt like being naive was wrong if that's what I was doing, I was mad at that stupid greeter, and I never wanted to go back to that goddamn Wal*Mart ever again.

I finally got to text message Josh. Told him what happened and he didn't say anything, so I cried some more since that seemed like the appropriate thing to do. I got home in one piece, collapsed on the bed, resisted the cats for a few minutes and then gave in. After a bit of being purred on I figured life was worth living and that I just needed to write all this down and let it go.

Going to carve a pumpkin tonight. Fuck you and your mother too, Wednesday. Now that I've said that I'm not mad any more.

9PM Update: Just got in to the French class thanks to a friend who let me know a spot was open!